Zzzzen….

So I have a horse:

Missie says, "Wake me up and I'll bite you!"

 Yes, she’s beautiful, believe me she knows it…. anyway, to get training for her (which I need since she’s much smarter than I alone) I clean stalls at a local ranch every Monday in trade.

There’s a fine art to cleaning manure. Horses walk, all the time, constantly; they even sleep on their feet. So the poo doesn’t stay in nice easily-scooped little piles (well, not little, exactly); it gets trampled all over heck, and you have to use a rake to get all the pieces, or else spend hours more than necessary.

   

It was Monday. I raked… I scooped… I defended my wheelbarrow against horses who like to scratch themselves on it and inadvertently tip it over, I dodged bites, I sweated, I raked again. Then (in the middle of a particularly juicy curse aimed at a diabolical pony named, deceptively, Sugar) I looked back and saw the rake’s marks in the dust. They were beautiful. Heatstroke may have had a hand in this, but I swear, the whole ground was just these lovely soft curving lines, like the tracks of a hundred mysterious snakes.

Before Sugar ran off with my shovel, it reminded me of one of those Zen gardens, where monks comb lines into the sand around big boulders.

    

It was an unexpectedly tranquil moment and I am really glad I didn’t miss it. There were even a few butterflies in my ‘zen’ garden (they are attracted to the salt in the horsie pee). It was the perfect touch. So, lesson: look for the beauty that is left after poo is removed!

With Apologies to Mrs. Gibson

This has not been a good weekend for me.

Committed the ultimate party foul- woke up on some guy’s couch naked in a puddle of my own pee. Yeah, I was incredibly drunk. Yes, I peed like a cat on furniture. Yes, I want to die right now as I type this from sheer humiliation.

I will not be drinking for a while.

Keep in mind I managed to get random-guy-sex-pee-on-a-couch drunk off just plain beer, no hard a was involved, and I am by no means a lightweight for a girl. That’s a lot of beer… So no more drinking for me. We’ll see how it goes… Sneaking out of someone’s house hoping to god they don’t wake up and see your piss stain on their parent’s furniture is not fun. I believe that’s what people refer to as ‘rock bottom’, no?

So how was YOUR weekend, guys?

Lovely Links

I am so very tired. These past few weeks have been hectic- getting together the school’s art show, scholarship after scholarship, senior presentations, getting ready for graduation, job hunting…. So I am off to take a nap after this, with my own cat. Enjoy the link roundup.

• Yes, I am linking to xkcd again. Deal, because it’s amazing.
• Are you a globetrotter? Yeah, me neither, but if we ever win the lottery, now you’ll know how to dress for whatever country you go to first.
• Get a piece of paper, write the sentence, “She sells seashells by the seashore,” and then go here. You’ll find out all sorts of interesting things.
• Barefoot devotees, unite!
• I don’t think I’ve ever read anything negative about Switzerland in the news. This is possibly the best thing they’ve ever done- one more step into changing the ‘pets as property’ view our legal system holds here. I would totally be an abused animal lawyer…. 
• I have a vague feeling I may have linked to Someone Once Told Me before, but too bad. It’s great, go (re)visit it.
• An incredibly rare Buddhist flower bloomed in an even odder place. This flower looks as if it belongs on some blasted silvery moonscape- beautiful.

• Aaaah! Monsters! In real places!!! Run!
• Charlotte the Spider could, perhaps, use some work on her vocabulary.
• Taking photos is fun. Having to look at photos like these is not. Be original, escape the nineties, people.
• A-a-Achooo! Oh, god, there goes my eardrum/vertebrae/eyeball. Crap. Who knew sneezing was so dangerous?
• This is an alphabet, but better, because it’s comprised entirely of cuddly, fluffy, adorable baby animals.
• The eleven species that ‘win’ the Animal Kingdom Olympics.
• Ten profound truths the author wishes she had known sooner in life.

Bucket List #1

My mortal clock is overly loud. I’ve always been rather obsessed with the fact that one day, I’ll be dead. Since no one talks about that, I don’t know if my fears are normal or absolutely crazy, not that it matters, but to help soothe the raging tick-tock in my skull, I’m making a bucket list. This hopefully isn’t going to be one of the silly self-indulgent ones people make to validate their fear/laziness/lack of spine (though likely it’s hubris to think mine will be any different) consisting of items like- “Fall in love.” “Visit all the continents”. “Have one boy and one girl.” I am not saying those aren’t worthy goals, because they are; they are simply not the things that move me.

                               

 My entries may not be concrete, they may not be doable for decades, they may not even make much sense, but then again it’s never easy to elucidate what you really want. It sounds easy now but I have a feeling it will be harder than I think to limit myself to realistic things… This is going to be a category added to as things occur to me, edited, fiddled with as I mature. So new posts will be forthcoming to keep my list going.

Without further ado, but unfortunately with no ribbon to cut self-importantly, number one.

1 – Be alone. I mean this not in the relationship sense, but rather, geographically. I depend constantly on others, to a degree that isn’t excused by my teenager-living-at-home status. I hate going to do things alone. At school, I won’t walk around at lunch alone for fear people will look at me and think I have no friends. That’s just one example. I enjoy being alone, just not where others can see. I think I need to wean myself from the company of others. I want long-term solitude, time to think and get used to my thoughts without television or the internet shredding them. So far, this is realized in my plan to go camping sometime this summer, just my dog and I (a pit-bull mix, she makes a very effective rapist/murderer deterrent, along with wonderful company). My requirements; trees, birdsong, a river, beer that’s at that perfect temperature only a mountain river can chill it to, the stars at night, bacon (again, the ultimate when camping), a few good books and no one else.

And now, on a vaguely related note, introducing lolrus.

Xckd: Best Thing Ever.

Sorry about the absence lately, it’s been a busy time as I prepare for graduation.

I Was Afraid to Look for a Picture for this Post…

Dear American Apparel,

You seem to have lots of cute basic clothes (and some weird stuff…) I like basics; I enjoy owning the same featureless shirt in many different colors. Perhaps you can tell that I am a lazy dresser. However, you don’t have any stores near me. So, being a fancy-pants modern chick, I go to your website…

… And my father walks by. He stops. I look up to find him staring at the screen. We meet eyes in a moment even more awkward than Leia and Luke’s incest Star Wars kiss. My 56-year old dad thinks I am looking at porn in our kitchen.

YOU NEED TO MAKE A PG VERSION OF YOUR WEBSITE! Also, I am convinced some of those models have no bones. I mean… really, pretzel models? REALLY? No one will ever wear that gold jumpsuit with their ankles crossed behind their skull. No one. Ever.

Sincerely, Me

The Rebel’s Manifesto

Keri Smith…. is a genius. I want this in gigantic poster form for my wall.