My mortal clock is overly loud. I’ve always been rather obsessed with the fact that one day, I’ll be dead. Since no one talks about that, I don’t know if my fears are normal or absolutely crazy, not that it matters, but to help soothe the raging tick-tock in my skull, I’m making a bucket list. This hopefully isn’t going to be one of the silly self-indulgent ones people make to validate their fear/laziness/lack of spine (though likely it’s hubris to think mine will be any different) consisting of items like- “Fall in love.” “Visit all the continents”. “Have one boy and one girl.” I am not saying those aren’t worthy goals, because they are; they are simply not the things that move me.
My entries may not be concrete, they may not be doable for decades, they may not even make much sense, but then again it’s never easy to elucidate what you really want. It sounds easy now but I have a feeling it will be harder than I think to limit myself to realistic things… This is going to be a category added to as things occur to me, edited, fiddled with as I mature. So new posts will be forthcoming to keep my list going.
Without further ado, but unfortunately with no ribbon to cut self-importantly, number one.
1 – Be alone. I mean this not in the relationship sense, but rather, geographically. I depend constantly on others, to a degree that isn’t excused by my teenager-living-at-home status. I hate going to do things alone. At school, I won’t walk around at lunch alone for fear people will look at me and think I have no friends. That’s just one example. I enjoy being alone, just not where others can see. I think I need to wean myself from the company of others. I want long-term solitude, time to think and get used to my thoughts without television or the internet shredding them. So far, this is realized in my plan to go camping sometime this summer, just my dog and I (a pit-bull mix, she makes a very effective rapist/murderer deterrent, along with wonderful company). My requirements; trees, birdsong, a river, beer that’s at that perfect temperature only a mountain river can chill it to, the stars at night, bacon (again, the ultimate when camping), a few good books and no one else.
And now, on a vaguely related note, introducing lolrus.