I Was Afraid to Look for a Picture for this Post…

11 04 2010

Dear American Apparel,

You seem to have lots of cute basic clothes (and some weird stuff…) I like basics; I enjoy owning the same featureless shirt in many different colors. Perhaps you can tell that I am a lazy dresser. However, you don’t have any stores near me. So, being a fancy-pants modern chick, I go to your website…

… And my father walks by. He stops. I look up to find him staring at the screen. We meet eyes in a moment even more awkward than Leia and Luke’s incest Star Wars kiss. My 56-year old dad thinks I am looking at porn in our kitchen.

YOU NEED TO MAKE A PG VERSION OF YOUR WEBSITE! Also, I am convinced some of those models have no bones. I mean… really, pretzel models? REALLY? No one will ever wear that gold jumpsuit with their ankles crossed behind their skull. No one. Ever.

Sincerely, Me





And the Leg Bone is Connected to the Thigh Bone…

23 09 2009

“I thought long and hard about what I really wanted, what my passion was. And I decided I wanted to be a fucking zombie.”

-Rick, Zombie Boy, June 2008

I just stumbled over this guy’s interview and I gotta say, he totally nails my sense of humor. Even if you’re not a fan of braaaaaaaaains, go read it, seriously, it’s funny and it will actually make you think, too. He’s the perfect example of a person society thinks must be stupid/uneducated/a total delinquent, but then the person says, “Up yours, society,” and spouts off some well thought out, totally cogent and memorable quotes, thereby kicking society’s collective ass and sending them slinking away. Yes, this is probably a little insane* but even if you hate all tattoos, you at least have to admire his dedication. I know I have a little crush..

Extra credit : Gala’s Guide to Getting Great Tattoos Without Regret

* Rick also says, “I sacrificed my whole future for this.” So please, please don’t get even a small tattoo unless you absolutely love it and have thought about it for a long time. If you have, then go for it, baby!





There Are Enough Double Standards Out There, Why Create More?

6 05 2009

  

So Carrie Prejean (the one who made the anti-gay comments), the 2009 Miss California winner, has been discovered to have taken some topless photos a few years back. Of course, there was a rather ridiculous scandal and the pageant community was shocked. Outraged! Horrified! They are as prim and proper as a Victorian nanny, apparently.

Now we all know that pageants have a swimsuit portion… Well, what in the hell do the pageant organizers THINK is being ogled? The future Miss California’s big, bouncing brains? No. They doth protest too much, I think. Topless photos surface, and that’s a big no-no, but stripping down to a string bikini and striding the stage is fine and dandy? That’s exactly what a stripper does. But if a contestant revealed a past career in exotic dancing, I’m betting she’d be out on her ass.

Get real, folks. These women are being judged for their bodies- repeat, THEIR bodies. They can do what they like with them. An organization shouldn’t criticize women for revealing themselves for a camera rather than onstage. If you were the Girl Scouts, then yes, the photos would be inappropriate. You’re not- you’re a contest that requires an itty bitty bikini, so reap what you’ve sown.