I Was Afraid to Look for a Picture for this Post…

11 04 2010

Dear American Apparel,

You seem to have lots of cute basic clothes (and some weird stuff…) I like basics; I enjoy owning the same featureless shirt in many different colors. Perhaps you can tell that I am a lazy dresser. However, you don’t have any stores near me. So, being a fancy-pants modern chick, I go to your website…

… And my father walks by. He stops. I look up to find him staring at the screen. We meet eyes in a moment even more awkward than Leia and Luke’s incest Star Wars kiss. My 56-year old dad thinks I am looking at porn in our kitchen.

YOU NEED TO MAKE A PG VERSION OF YOUR WEBSITE! Also, I am convinced some of those models have no bones. I mean… really, pretzel models? REALLY? No one will ever wear that gold jumpsuit with their ankles crossed behind their skull. No one. Ever.

Sincerely, Me

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Color Me Happy

9 12 2009

So the all-mighty Pantone has chosen Turquoise as the color for upcoming 2010, calling it “inviting” and “luminous”. What do you think? 

I have to say, turquoise is beautiful and the calming connotations it comes with are good for these rough times, but I’m a bigger fan of the 2009 color, mimosa.

Not only is the name fun to say in strange fake accents- “mee-moh-sah!”- yellow is a color that is totally underused. Now, turquoise isn’t queen yet- it’s still 2009 for a few more weeks! Don’t let mimosa be forgotten! I plan on wearing my (one and only) yellow shirt tomorrow. Let’s give cheerful summery mimosa one hell of a goodbye salute!





Oh, the Weather Outside is Frightful…

6 12 2009

…but inside, it’s all hot chocolate, roaring fires, eggnog and mistletoe. Christmas is around the corner and there is no better season to bust out your sparkliest, most outrageous looks. No one you know is throwing a holiday bash? Throw one yourself! Nearly everyone gets infected by the seasonal goodwill, and it’s the perfect time for a smashin’ getup. Not to mention, there’s always some damn good munchies around.

The little black dress is a classic for parties. It’s easy, quick, looks great, and is always appropriate. You can go sexy-vixen with some skinny stilettos and a fab red lippie (again, the holidays are the perfect time for trying this!) or go more glam with some eye-catching heels and glittering earrings. There’s really no end at all to what you can do with a LBD…

Or you can go with a trend this year and try a super-sequined dress; it’s pretty much guaranteed all eyes will be on you- things this blinged out are practically visible from space. Nude heels will make your legs seem extra long, and keep the tone of the outfit from being too crazy and busy.

For the more casual get-togethers dark jeans are great- comfy as all get out but not sloppy. Adorable flats are great for those of us who, when tottering about in heels, are known as ‘Public Enemy #1″, or just if your tootsies are feeling a bit sore. A pretty blouse gives you just the right amount of polish.

Embrace your inner peacock and flaunt some silks, satins, pearls, lace, glitter and glam this holiday season!





Living Life to the Fullest

1 10 2009

As much as we may want to avoid it, we’re all going to be packaged up neatly and put on a shelf by other people. They may see our hair, our outfit, the car we drive or the place we live and categorize us by that. You know how it goes – “Oh, she’s a goth/poor kid/nerd,” or whatever other group they think we are. Yes, this is stupid. Yes, it’s almost always wrong. This doesn’t change the fact that people will continue doing it forever and ever.

But you know, getting put in a group isn’t always bad. It can give people a feeling that you have something in common and lead to new friends, or spark conversations with people you don’t even know. Hell, maybe you are proud of being a hippie, or a bookworm (guilty!), or a biker chick.

Embracing the inevitable categorization or not, that doesn’t make it ok to just sink into the masses and lose our individuality! So here are some do’s and don’ts.

Do: Be what you want. Dress how you want, decorate your home the way you want, and say what you believe. There’s no way to make every one in the world happy, so it’s just a bit ridiculous to spend your whole life trying, right?

Don’t: Be pushy about it. Maybe you believe in karma. That’s all well and good, but if karma is the only thing you ever talk about, that’s not so good. Sharing the things you believe in from big hair to fly fishing is admirable, but don’t let your hobbies become your entire personality.

Do: Make others envy you. I’m not saying go buy a convertible, I’m saying live your life with grace, purpose, and determination. Do things that improve the world, and even if people think your pink hair is weird, they’ll probably be at least a little inspired. You can be the smartest, funnest, coolest person in the world and if you’re still living in your mom’s basement at 45, all the good things go out the window, noticed by no one.

Don’t: Be different just for the sake of it. This never works out; it’s the life equivalent of being that drunk chick at a party who brags that she can outdrink all the guys and then projectile vomits all over the house an hour later. No one is impressed, and no one thinks she’s cool. Acting a certain way just f0r attention is so junior high.

Do: Be prepared to give in once in a while. Let’s say you’ve got a rad look going on that you adore madly, complete with dreads, cat-eye contacts and neon clothing. That’s wonderful, but you may have to tone it down a bit sometimes, say for a job. It doesn’t make you a ‘quitter’ or a hypocrite; it just makes you sensible and realistic. Nothin’ wrong with that.

Don’t: Make certain people uncomfortable. This goes a bit with the one right above. Is it really necessary to shock your old, buttoned-to-the-neck Grammy by telling her that you’ve joined a nudist colony? The general public can suck it up and deal, but I’m sure you can think of times when it’s easier on all parties involved to just stay mute. Consideration never hurt anyone.

Do: Have friends of all types. Don’t feel constricted by others’ ideas of you, or like you have to only hang out with a certain kind of person because they’re ‘your type’. Surround yourself with people who make you happy, and damn the funny looks on other’s faces! It’s your life, not theirs, and in the end it’s you who should be happy.





Dress for Success

12 09 2009

Ever thrown open your closet door and stood there staring blankly, thrown into a whirling morass of boredom and despair? Ever realized that every possible combination of your clothing has been worn over… and over… and over… Well, sometimes regular garments just don’t cut it. Some days you want a little extra in your step, a special sparkle in your eye! To find your way out of the Dull Clothes Doldrums, a fashionista’s equivalent of writer’s block, draw inspiration from something you’ve never used as a model before; even the strangest or most random things can result in fun outfits. Try these inspirations to start out with.

Dress like a mermaid! Sure, you can go Disney style on this one and superglue some shells to your tatas. A more tasteful, still funky, and much less painful option includes fantastical shoes that look carved from coral, a fish-scale skirt, and rich inky-blue sequins. For added fun, carry around a bottle of bubbles and blow them at everyone you see.

Dress like a moon maiden! Delicate bejeweled sandals like moonbeams adorn your feet, sheer chiffon your body, and a glimmering unicorn-lure of silver feathers glints in your hair. Dip your nails into melted pearls and blow kisses with sugary-pink lips to the man in the moon.

Dress like Jane Eyre! Entice your very own deliciously brooding Rochester with a ladylike silk blouse worn over a woolen violet dress. Sensible gray boots cover your (gasp!) ankles, while a locket provides the perfect place for sketches of your forbidden love. Who says skin is the only way to be sexy? Wear this with inordinate amounts of common sense and courage.

Dress like a secret agent! Perhaps carrying around an actual handgun isn’t the best idea, but in head-to-toe sexpot black and an electric yellow tank, you’ll have plenty of kickass attitude without one. Paint your nails intense scarlet, bite your lip provocatively at cute boys or girls everywhere, walk with businesslike speed but with a swing to your hips, and make up scandalous pasts for each person you see.

Futher sources of inspiration: Movie characters. Imaginary friends. Fairy tales. Favorite beverages. Songs. Scents. Types of rocks. Places. Animals that don’t exist. Animals that do exist. Aliens. Local legends. Deep caves. Weather.





Strawberries, Sunsets & Sexiness

10 07 2009

First things first: Happy birthday, Tesla!!

Now, onward. I firmly believe that the colors we surround ourselves with affect our moods and our days. Restauraunts take advantage of this color psychology; they avoid blues and greens, which cause a loss of appetite, because our primitive subconscious associates them with toxins. Prisons have started using pink paint because it has a calming effect- if you’re on a sports team, try painting the locker room of your opponents pink! Not only will they be freaked out and possibly blinded, it’ll give you a subtle advantage.

Obviously there is a subjective twist to the way we individuals view color. Perhaps your favorite dress as a child was bright blue, and so to you, blue signifies comfort and happiness, whereas to someone else, it might remind them of something they are very afraid of, perhaps the ocean. My own favorite color is red, and my pacifier as a kid was bright red, along with about 50% of my clothes. Coincidence? I think not!

So today’s post is all in tribute to the massive power of the color red. It’s a very emotionally stimulating color, and as I mentioned in my Valentine’s Day post, it can actually make men think you’re more attractive (though you’re gorgeous anyway, darlin’!). It brings the eye directly to you. I warn you, though, tread carefully if you’re a wallflower; all the extra attention scarlet clothes garner may not be for you!

Red can be used in all sorts of outfits. You can go glamourous, fun and funky with a voluminous skirt and a fierce tank- don’t forget the false lashes, I advocate the usage of them whenver possible. Flashing scarlet-polished nails is also a great way to work some red into your life.

Scalet Sass

You can use red to put all eyes on you for evening, too. Pair a simple sexy red sheath with sky-high heels and smoky gems, or take the look to daytime with a snuggly cardigan and delicate sandals. Red can go any way you want; it’s a much more versatile color than you would think, but it’s certain to punch up your day, whether you’re kicking up your heels at a cocktail party or just grocery shopping.

Sexy & Sweet

Red also does great things to a super-casual outfit. You favorite old jeans will get a new twist with a funky headscarf, deep red sneakers and bag full of fringe. Try adding red accessories to an otherwise boring look and you’ll be amazed.

Casual Scarlet




Spring Has Sprung!

14 04 2009

Where I live, it’s the time of cherry blossoms, drifting birdsong and adorable blinky-lashed baby deer! Also thunderstorms and sudden rain that comes from no where, but let’s focus on the higher temperatures, which allow lots of fashions that winter weather prohibits! I recommend, in no particular order, edible pops of color, floaty layers of chiffon and scarves, gently flushed cheeks, and some flashy cute shoes. Think fresh! Airy! Breezy! Clouds scudding across a creamy blue sky! Fluffy bunnies and kittens! The aroma of abundant blooms in the wind! Rushing gurgling streams! Everything wonderfully refreshed that the season of new beginnings has to offer…

Jimmy Choo sandals, modcloth.com ring, Alexis Bittar earrings, madaboochoo.com.au dress, Forever 21 nailpolish

Beautiful cool browns and silky textures to catch the sun. Wear with mango nails , braided hair and the scent of mint on your pulse points.

Miu Miu dress, 3.1 Phillip Lim sequin vest, Zales earrings, Botkier for Target bag, H&M shoes, extasia.com bracelet, bys.com.au nail polish

Miu Miu dress, 3.1 Phillip Lim sequin vest, Zales earrings, Botkier for Target bag, H&M shoes, extasia.com bracelet, bys.com.au nail polish

Effortlessly adorable ruffles, rich raspberry feet, eye-catching glitz and glimmer shining from your nails, ears, body. Eat with cotton candy for maximum effect. Also; tailor made for redheads.

Giuseppi Zanotti sandals, vivre.com top, Wet Seal jeans, Balenciaga bag, Stephen Collins belt, bys.com.au nail polish

Giuseppi Zanotti sandals, vivre.com top, Wet Seal jeans, Balenciaga bag, Stephen Collins belt, bys.com.au nail polish

Shades of the tropics contrast nicely with crisp white. Nails gleam with golden-peachy polish and your shoes double as jewelery. Make sure to beam brightly at everyone you meet; with clothes this exuberant, you’ll be a true spring breath of fresh air.

Chloé heels, Cathy Waterman pearls, Paige Denim cloche hat, Charlotte Russe dress, ae.com socks, Nordstrom.com lashes, OPI nail polish

Chloé heels, Cathy Waterman pearls, Paige Denim cloche hat, Charlotte Russe dress, ae.com socks, Nordstrom.com lashes, OPI nail polish

Mismatched, touchable textures play off each other, and muted colors soothe the eye. Warm pink tips add interest and feathers bob coyly from the head. Perfect for a girl with a flapper-style bob; more perfect if she smokes her cigarettes from a long holder.

Make every spring day a new day. Explore new things, enjoy the burgeoning life outdoors, and don’t forget to roll with life as it comes. Spring’s unpredictable weather patterns are great reminders to do this!