Have you ever had one of those moments when your focus sharpens, a shiver runs up your body, your heart speeds up and the earth shakes? I’m not talking dirty, either, people! I’m talking about running across a certain quote, a movie, a person, a song, a place or a picture that has such a deep and hidden meaning to you and you alone that it becomes somewhat of an obsession, burning up your brain as you try to swallow it all up. Anything that provokes days of convoluted thoughts and inspires new resolutions for your life qualifies.
I am a firm believer that everyone should seek out these kind of moments, because they are what forces us to the highest skies, to plumb the depths of our spirits. For me personally, the days have been weighing down more and more lately; the daily grind is becoming all too tedious and crude, like a gritty old movie. Halloween morning I woke up and I had a rather odd moment in which I realized that I didn’t like the people I was with and that this wasn’t where I wanted to be. At that exact moment, I wanted to be sitting alone on top of a mountain, staring at the blue sky, more than anything in the world. It put me in a very pissy mood, to say the least.
It’s hard to explain, but I hope you all understand the kind of thoughts I’m talking about. I don’t want to call it a revelation or an epiphany, it’s too serious and yet it trivializes the thing. I had that moment, a conscious thought, word for word in my head, “I want a change in my life.” Then I went home and ran across this quote, which I sat and re-read at least ten times before immediately copying it down.
“There’s nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don’t live up until their death. They don’t honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries & they can’t hear it. Most people’s deaths are a sham. There’s nothing left to die.” — Buk. (via Love Letter to the Universe)
It’s an understatement to say this affected me deeply. Sounds silly, yeah yeah, but face it, the very largest portion of what makes us takes place invisibly as neruons fire in the darkness of our skulls. For the past months, I’ve felt like I was walking through quicksand, a weight on my head and a little ball of panic in my stomach. I can’t explain it, but I feel on fire now, electric, confident and creative, unstoppable, a warrior; a Leo for the first time in a long time. Be on the look out for things that will follow you your whole life, don’t let them pass you by. If you spend your days looking for tiny amazements, you’re that much more likely to find them.
